Have you ever cried so much in your life you feel like your eyeballs are going to fall out of your head? I have, and honestly I still am. I had a moment in my office (today) when I realized if there were hidden cameras, I would be living in a Bridget Jones/Sex and the City episode, just not as chic. Imagine horrible summer humidity hair, non waterproof mascara, and a golf polo because I am too poor to afford a great Chanel blazer.
The end of a relationship is like a death. There are 5 stages of grief. Here is how its basically going right now:
- Denial: “Things will get better. We will try. It won’t actually end, we have been together for so long. “Or “Everything is fine. Is anyone really happy in their relationship?”
- Anger: “I don’t deserve this crap! I have given him/her the best years of my life. I can’t believe him/her. ASSHOLE!” Then you (I) proceed to throw away photos or burn them (didn’t actually do that last one, I would for sure catch my apartment on fire). Go through your house with a fine-tooth comb to get rid of anything your ex may have even touched.
- Bargaining: “I can change. Just give me another chance. We can make this work. One more chance. Never say never.”
- Depression: “You failed. You lost the best thing that has ever happened to you. Why didn’t you just change when you had the chance? You will never be happy again. “
- Acceptance: So I accepted it, felt pretty great for about two weeks and just fell off again. My lord, breaking up is like trying to give up carbs. I imagine this is what it feels like to give up some hard core drug addiction. Hence why you should never do drugs.
The moral of this rambling is, the end of any type of relationship sucks! If it doesn’t hurt, it wasn’t real. I have spent most of my time in denial. I got all the way to acceptance and then took a few steps back to bargaining and depression again. Acceptance was amazing. I slept great, got fat cause I was happy, and could listen to Adele without crying. And then BAM! I’m crying again. Its not the same for everyone. I won’t pretend to be an expert on healing or relationships. Actually, I am the farthest from either of those, hence the ending of another relationship. I am however, very fluent in dramatic moments of sadness and anger. Breaking up and moving on is the hardest thing I have ever experienced. So I am doing what any basic girl would do. I am looking up inspirational quotes (see above), crying myself to sleep, texting my friends till they want to drown me in the margarita I probably shouldn’t be drinking, stalking my ex on all social media platforms, avoiding the radio minus Taylor Swift, and pretending I am going to go on a diet to look hot and make my ex jealous.
I’m actually not even sure where I was going with this post, but it feels great to just write it. Maybe that was the point in all of it. Just feel good again. More to come…drink up.